Hello everybody, and welcome back to the newsletter. Its been a while hasn't it? I haven't written a regular newsletter in about three weeks, so I'll have to ease on into this one. Anyway, incase you haven't read number six, go on and do it now. Its my review of Anywhere But Here, after seeing it at the Toronto International Film Festival, and what happened after I saw Natalie in person after the movie had finished. Its different than what I usually write for these babies, but its still a good read. Anyhow, I've got to make up for lost time, so let's get "bi-zay".
For Newsletter #5, I asked you to guys to get off your lazy internet surfing asses, and think up some new names and motto's for the newsletter. (Even though you don't have to get up off them to think of new names. I mean, you wouldn't have to move at all, except for your chocolate stained, chubby fingers which have to rap a few words off on the keyboard). Anyway, a few of you responded, and a few of your responses were even funny. However continuing with the "I'm better than all of you anyway" theme, I've decided to just go ahead and name the darn thing myself.
The new "informal" name and moto for the newsletter is...
*ahem*... drum roll please.
*Natalie's Port-al* "Let's Ride Through Together"
Ta-Da!
Yes, that's it. Cheeze, I can't believe I took up two paragraphs to hype a stupid name that's only informal, and unofficial anyway. How pompous and over-dramatic is that?? I must be gradually turning French. Next thing you know I'll be voluntarily bending over for some big German dude named "Berlyn", and allow him to have his way with me...
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Yikes, where did THAT visual come from?
Anyway, enough of this nonsense, let's move on to Natalie.
Issue #1 Meeting Natalie Portman
As some of you may or may not know, (if you read #6, you should know), I had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Portman this past Friday after attending the Anywhere But Here Gala Premier. I didn't mention much more than that in the previous newsletter, and some of you have asked for specifics. Such as what happened. Whether I got her autograph or not. If we talked, and if we did, what about. Whether or not I took a picture with her and so on and so on. So since I was rather vague when it came to specifics in the previous Natalie Newsletter, I thought I would transcribe what happened that night.
Since only a small percentage of the subscribers to this newsletter are from Toronto, most of you may be unaware that "your friend and humble narrator", Anthony V-P, is actually a rather famous local celebrity. I've written several award winning articles for newspapers across Canada, and have spent a lot of time at Toronto Film Festivals over the years interviewing stars. Due to my rather prestigious status among Toronto's elite, I was fortunate enough to be seated rather close to Natalie in Roy Thompson Hall that night, where the movie was being shown. After the movie had finished, I introduced myself to Natalie, and complimented her on her performance. After I told her who I was, she furrowed her brow, and gave me a "shocked" look. Much to my suprise, she recognized my name! Apparantly sometime over the past few days in Toronto, she had picked up one of our local publications which carries my work, and read one of my articles regarding harmful environmental emissions. She told me how impressed she was with my work, and asked me if there were any other articles I had written that she might enjoy reading. I said yes, and offered to send them to her; which at that point, she gave me her email address. After talking with Natalie for about 15 minutes or so, she invited me to come with her in her limo, to an "after screening party" with Susan Sarandon and director Wayne Wang. I was hesitant at first, having just met her, and not sure whether this might be progressing to fast, but decided to throw caution to the wind and go along.
After riding with Natalie in her limo for roughly 20 minutes, we finally arrived at our destination, the 4 Seasons where everyone involved with the movie was staying. The party was fun and intimate. Susan Sarandon brought her husband Tim Robbins along, who had been screening one of his own movies at the festival earlier that week. Anyhow, during the party Natalie and I discussed at length, everything and anything that we could think of. From World Philosophy, (apparantly Natalie is a fan of Hobbes and Locke), to football. (Natalie is a mad New York Giants fan). After dancing until the wee hours of the morning, we both decided that maybe it was time to get to bed. But not together of course!! Natalie kept mentioning repeatedly throughout the night, that she would never do such a thing as immoral as pre-marital sex. So I did what any suave, and noble gentleman would do. I proposed. I got down on one knee in the middle of the ballroom at the 4 Seasons and proposed. Luckily, I happened to have a soda can with me, and was able to fashion a crude ring out of the tab. She was so overcome with emotion, that she began to cry, while passionately saying "Yes Anthony, Yes" over and over again.
Anyhow, we haven't set a date yet, but she was hoping for a fall wedding, so probably sometime by the millenium. Don't worry, I know what you're all concerned about!
Synagogue or Church?
Well, I was thinking of maybe something outdoors. I mean, God is everywhere isn't he?
I would invite all of you, but Natalie insisted on keeping the party to just "family only". So you'll just have to wait and read about it in the papers.
Anyhow, after that, I came home and began writing my review for Anywhere But Here.
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Really that's what happened.
Honestly!
I know you're all suprised and everything, but that's exactly what happened.
Seriously.
I'm sure a lot of you thought I would be a nervous wreck upon meeting Natalie who wouldn't be able to squeeze a work out of my throat. I'm sure a lot of you thought I would just stand there and nod like an idiot while she asked me a few polite questions, and that I wouldn't be able to stop shaking, or keep any train of thought due to the fact that I was standing so close to her.
Pff...
Like that would EVER happen
I mean, how pathetic do you think I am?
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Leave me alone, I saw her and none of YOU losers did. So THERE!
Ah. That's better.
Anyway, that was more than just a cute story, it's also a smooth segue into what I hope you guys can do for me next.
We've all done it. We've all been so bored in Chemistry class that our minds began to wander. Wander to strange and wonderful places, where the French live on the moon, Kevin Williamson is working in a Dairy Queen, and Lucas Haas was killed by the Martians from Mars Attacks. And its in these wonderful dream worlds, that we've constructed the perfect dream date. The perfect dream date with Natalie.
issue #2 The Natalie Dream Date
Admit it. You all have run through the scenario at least once in your mind. Some of you probably on paper. What would the dream date with Natalie be like? How would you plan it? How would she look? How would you look? Anyway, make use of yourselves and write it down, and send it in. I want you guys busier than Monica Lewinsky on President's day. I'll post the best ones, and who knows, maybe you'll impress our royal highness Natalie.
issue #3 The Next Anakin
Easily the most controversial subject in Natalie-land, and I will finally discuss it. Every Natalie board you go to, the next Anakin is the most discussed topic. Well, that and her real last name. Although the losers who keep talking about that really deserve a fate worse than the French. I mean, get a life. Anyhow, several of you have been very upset over the possibility, of that sissy pretty boy Leonardo DiCaprio playing the next Anakin Skywalker. A lot of you think that the part should at least go to someone who has the need to shave more than once every couple of weeks. Well fellow Nata-holiks, may I humbly suggest the person who I believe will be perfect, to play Anakin Skywalker in episodes 2 and 3.
Ryan Phillipe.
If you are not sure who he is, he's the blonde actor in Cruel Intentions, and 54.
Incase you're wondering, why him? I've got the perfect answer for you.
He's married, (to Reese Witherspoon) and has a kid.
The boy's got enough on his mind already. After a few months of midnight feedings, and Reese bitching at him because he's not spending enough time at home with the family, he won't know where the hell he is.
Hence, he won't have the time, or the will to hit on Natalie, and our marriage will be safe.
Oh, the perfection of it all.
Plus, he's a good actor, and looks the part, blah blah blah.
issue #4 Tips to George Lucas
Now just because Ryan is married, it doesn't give him an excuse to be touching Natalie anywhere in the "lip area". And since George Lucas has repeatedly said that Episdode 2 is going to be a romance, a kissing scene is bound to happen. But for us insanely jealous types, that might be to much to handle. So I suggest that all kissing scenes be done with mirrors. Yes, mirrors. And if not mirrors, have it done through CGI effects. We can't have our Natalie sullied by that deviant.
Anyhow, I've done a lot of writing about Natalie this weekend. Two newsletters. Count em', TWO. Let's see some of the webmasters from those other sites show THAT kind of dedication. Anyhow, before I forget, I would like to thank everyone who had words of kindness for me over what happened last week, they were much appreciated.
Anyway, until next time, remember to write up those favourite Natalie Dream-Dates, and send them in!
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Editor/Writer
AVP
Co-Editor/Contributer
The Momin Bros. This e-mail address is being protected from spambots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
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Luv - Peace - & - OA515
AVP
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"You Don't Have To Believe What You Say,
When You Don't Care What You Mean"
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