response from people regarding the last newsletter, and I feel like i'm on a bit of a roll. Last week we left off on the topic, of starting our own political party, based on the teachings of Natalie. Well, we'll get to that, but first I have to comment on something.
I'm from Toronto... many of the people who recieve this newsletter are from Toronto... and I was... well let's not pull any punches... I was suicidal, when I heard that Natalie was in Toronto this past week for a few days, and I didn't know, until after she left.... Oh Dear... anyhow, in order to avoid anything like this, from ever happening again, I humbly suggest we invent some way of knowing, when Natalie will be coming to a town near you.
Proposal #1
THE GLOBAL NATALIE POSITIONING SYSTEM
Incase you are not aware, the "GPS", or Global Positioning System, is one of the most revolutionary new inventions in the past 30 years or so. It works by having satelites, which don't do anything but orbit the Earth anyway, pinpoint something's location anywhere in the world. Its used by car companies to help you from getting lost by showing you where you are on a map; and by U.S cruise missles so they don't hit anything like foreign embassies. Of course, up until now, this great system has had no real practical application. So how do we relate GPS to Natalie? Well, we can avoid painful situations like the one I just experienced, by placing a homing device in a necklace, and then around Natalie's neck. If Natalie is anywhere within 600 yards of you, the satalite will pick up her homing device, and send a signal to a second chip which will be implanted in the frontal loeb of your brain. Like a Pavlovian dog who has been operatively conditioned, you will obidiently find your way to Natalie, and slober and worship at her presence. If she has a job for you, like getting her a soda, or a fresh Sceptor, cause the crystal ball on hers is smudgy, then you're in luck!
Proposal #2
THE NATALIE POLITCAL PARTY
Yes, it must be done, and SOON. Honestly, is there anything these stupid political parties do, that Natalie couldn't do better? If Bill Clinton and Jean Chretien have proved anything, its that countries pretty much run themselves. So an actual FUNCTIONING government is as useless as a comprehensive plot in a Dawson's Creek episode... or taste during a Britney Spears concert... or literacy skills while reading any magazine which contains any of the following words... "Teen", "Beat", "Bop", or "Steam". Or... anyway, I'm getting off track. Much like fringe parties, like the "Reform Party", or the "Green Party", organized because of times of hardship and strife, I suggest we Nata-holiks unite and form our own political party... of course, the actual name will be up to Natalie, but I do have a few humble suggestions.
1- Nata-publicans
2- Nata-zis (Say it to yourself a few times... she probably won't like this one)
3- Nata-crats
4- Limp-Natzkit
5- Natalie's Creek Party
6- Be Like Naboo
As a political party, of course we'll need a platform. And of course our entire platform will be for the betterment of Natalie. First things first... get Queen Elizabeth, and those stupid dead Presidents OFF money, and put Natalie. Each coin will have Natalie in a different "delictable" pose, and each bill will have a few words of wisdom from Natalie. Gone will be those stupid Latin mottos. To come will be Natalie phrases of inspiration. For example, things Natalie probably says on a regular basis.
1- "I am SO hot"
2- "I am SO cute"
3- "I am SO hot, and am SO cute"
4- "I can't believe I'm not uglier. Because it must be illegal for someone to be this hot and cute"
5- "Quiggibo"
I'm not sure about that last one, but I'm sure she'd look mighty cute trying to pronounce it.
While surfing the net, and looking up Natalie stuff, and running into other Natalie worshippers, you learn some weird stuff. For one thing, there's a poll on www.natalie-portman.net which asked people if they'd take a bullet for Natalie. Last I checked, after about 900 people responded, about 72% of people said they would. If you're reading this, you probably just had the same reaction I did.... "That's It?"... there are traitors among us... and they must be punished. I humbly suggest they be extradited to France, to live in the filthy downtown streets of Paris, for there is no greater punishment then being in France among the "French". Then again, the majority of these people probably are French. Those who are, will be subsequently sent to Quebec, since they're not real French people anyway.
Anyhow, remember to scan down to see the pic... its one of my personal faves... oh, and if you ever want to see the first two newsletters, don't hesitate to ask, I'll be happy to send it to you.
Some topics for next weeks newsletter, what we as an organization should do to pay tribute to Natalie... some more crazy fan stuff... and some updates on Natalie's country and political party!
Editor/Writer
AVP
Co-Editor/Contributer
The Momin Bros. This e-mail address is being protected from spambots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
DCG
S. Michaels This e-mail address is being protected from spambots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Luv, Peace, & Being Here Now
AVP
*~*DYKWIM Production Studios*~*
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